For the very first time, our daughter is ill. It's nothing serious, just an eye infection, but it's really brought home to us how lucky we've been with her health.
Our friends R&A, whose son B is 8 weeks younger than our daughter, have had a couple of incidences of colds and sniffles. Nothing serious again, but the added exhaustion it has seemed to bring is something that N & I are quite glad to do without!
The downside of our daughter's infection is the treatment. She has to have cream in her eyes twice a day. Unfortunately, she doesn't want cream in her eyes twice a day. On the contrary, she wants Mummy to go away and stop poking her with the gunky tube! It took me a good 10 minutes and at least 6 applications of cream to treat both of her eyes this morning. Once I had wiped it off her hands, her eyelids, her nose, her t-shirt, my hands, and the sides of the tube she was quite happy! Luckily this evening I will have N to help me, and from tomorrow it will be the childminder's problem (phew!).
Other than the slightly itchy eyes, she is doing very well, and is scooting around the house at top speed, trying to climb on every piece of furniture that we own. As she's infectious, I'm having an unexpected day off work today, and am planning on making the most of our precious time together (although I don't think the cats are too impressed with the sudden invasion).
As a final note, when we saw the Health Visitor a couple of weeks ago, she told us that she thought our daughter would be walking within a month - aargh! I think this will open up whole new worlds of joy and pain - I can't wait!
26 March 2007
25 March 2007
New friends
Earlier this year, N & I had an interesting night out. We met up with people from an internet message board we both post on. There were quite a number of people there - a respectable turnout - and amongst those were a couple of people we really hoped to meet.
There are 2 people that N plays online football with that he really hoped he'd get on with in real life as much as he does online, and he wasn't disappointed. As an added bonus, one of the guys brought his other half, and the four of us got on like a house on fire.
After a drunken night out (daughterless of course!), we arranged to meet up again and Saturday night was the night. A and his girlfriend C came to us for dinner so we didn't have to worry about babysitters etc and it was one of those evenings where the conversation just flows and everything is easy. We nattered away, played board games, argued over the rules etc - it was fab.
What's even weirder is that we have discovered that C and I were at school together - she was in my sister's year! Bizarre! We're both trying to dig out the old school photos so that we can compare notes...
N & I are normally so shy it's hard to make new friends but this relationship seems to have just fallen into place at the moment. I hope it's one we can build on - but we're going to need a lot more board games! :-D
There are 2 people that N plays online football with that he really hoped he'd get on with in real life as much as he does online, and he wasn't disappointed. As an added bonus, one of the guys brought his other half, and the four of us got on like a house on fire.
After a drunken night out (daughterless of course!), we arranged to meet up again and Saturday night was the night. A and his girlfriend C came to us for dinner so we didn't have to worry about babysitters etc and it was one of those evenings where the conversation just flows and everything is easy. We nattered away, played board games, argued over the rules etc - it was fab.
What's even weirder is that we have discovered that C and I were at school together - she was in my sister's year! Bizarre! We're both trying to dig out the old school photos so that we can compare notes...
N & I are normally so shy it's hard to make new friends but this relationship seems to have just fallen into place at the moment. I hope it's one we can build on - but we're going to need a lot more board games! :-D
14 March 2007
Togetherness - Part II
After my daughter's swimming lesson is over, we get dried and dressed, and I take her back to the childminders and then head on to work.
On my route, as on every other day, I pass an old people's residential home. This one is special to me however, as my grandmother now lives there, and has done for the past 4 months. Tuesday mornings are even more special, as when I pass I can see my grandfather's car parked outside, visiting the woman he's loved for the last 66 years and who he has been married to for the last 60 years.
It's nice that they are still able to spend time together even though my grandfather can no longer care for my grandmother. I'm not sure if they can appreciate it though; my grandmother is dying, there is no doubt and the only question now is how long it will be.
My grandmother is very sick. As I posted last year, she had a major stroke and has never recovered. Towards the end of last year she got worse and worse and now it seems that she was (and possibly still is) having minor bleeds in her brain that were effectively enhancing the effects of the stroke.
She was in hospital for the best part of 2 months, and during this time she was heavily medicated to stop her wandering around and disturbing people at night. The side-effect of the medication however was that she lost what little energy she had and lost her communication skills.
When she finally moved into the home, they were able to take her off the tablets and my mum and my grandfather noticed an improvement. Since then however it has been rapidly downhill; she is retaining water so has put on weight; she is refusing food and medication and she doesn't want to go on any longer.
Unfortunately she is otherwise very healthy, and so she is unlikely to die quickly. Because her mother died of a stroke in similar circumstances, all of our family know that this is the way of dying she feared the most. She can't communicate, she doesn't understand where she is, and she can't remember when my grandfather last visited her so she doesn't know if he's still visiting her unless he's actually sitting in front of her.
I haven't seen my grandmother in her home and neither has my sister or N. We have been told by our family not to visit as we should not have to remember my grandmother as she is now. It's now been 9 months since her stroke and 6 months since I saw her last. Essentially she is dead to me, but she is not dead. Were I to visit, she would know who I was. She has seen my daughter recently when my mum took her in, and she recognised her but even her adored great-grandchild did not provoke a reaction. She has had enough, and quite honestly, I don't blame her.
Dr Crippen has always been against medically-assisted suicide, or euthanasia or whatever you want to call it, and I can't blame him for it - he is a doctor and has sworn to preserve life. At the moment though, I can't help but think that both my grandparents are being torn apart because my grandmother is being forced to live through the most miserable and frightening way of dying she has ever imagined. She even told my grandfather, right at the start, that she was "looking at you the way Sally looked at you". She was referring to the time when their beloved dog fell ill and, after a few weeks, was in so much pain and fear that she wanted to stop. My grandfather took her to the vets and she was put to sleep.
I know that neither of my grandparents would wish anyone to jeopardise their career, their morals or their freedom to help my grandmother, but I am certain that, had the law been different, my grandmother would have had no hesitation in saying "if I have a stroke, I don't want to be kept alive at all costs; if I cannot communicate I don't want to be here". Everything she has expressed since her stroke has confirmed everything she said before it. Sometimes being together is not for the best.
On my route, as on every other day, I pass an old people's residential home. This one is special to me however, as my grandmother now lives there, and has done for the past 4 months. Tuesday mornings are even more special, as when I pass I can see my grandfather's car parked outside, visiting the woman he's loved for the last 66 years and who he has been married to for the last 60 years.
It's nice that they are still able to spend time together even though my grandfather can no longer care for my grandmother. I'm not sure if they can appreciate it though; my grandmother is dying, there is no doubt and the only question now is how long it will be.
My grandmother is very sick. As I posted last year, she had a major stroke and has never recovered. Towards the end of last year she got worse and worse and now it seems that she was (and possibly still is) having minor bleeds in her brain that were effectively enhancing the effects of the stroke.
She was in hospital for the best part of 2 months, and during this time she was heavily medicated to stop her wandering around and disturbing people at night. The side-effect of the medication however was that she lost what little energy she had and lost her communication skills.
When she finally moved into the home, they were able to take her off the tablets and my mum and my grandfather noticed an improvement. Since then however it has been rapidly downhill; she is retaining water so has put on weight; she is refusing food and medication and she doesn't want to go on any longer.
Unfortunately she is otherwise very healthy, and so she is unlikely to die quickly. Because her mother died of a stroke in similar circumstances, all of our family know that this is the way of dying she feared the most. She can't communicate, she doesn't understand where she is, and she can't remember when my grandfather last visited her so she doesn't know if he's still visiting her unless he's actually sitting in front of her.
I haven't seen my grandmother in her home and neither has my sister or N. We have been told by our family not to visit as we should not have to remember my grandmother as she is now. It's now been 9 months since her stroke and 6 months since I saw her last. Essentially she is dead to me, but she is not dead. Were I to visit, she would know who I was. She has seen my daughter recently when my mum took her in, and she recognised her but even her adored great-grandchild did not provoke a reaction. She has had enough, and quite honestly, I don't blame her.
Dr Crippen has always been against medically-assisted suicide, or euthanasia or whatever you want to call it, and I can't blame him for it - he is a doctor and has sworn to preserve life. At the moment though, I can't help but think that both my grandparents are being torn apart because my grandmother is being forced to live through the most miserable and frightening way of dying she has ever imagined. She even told my grandfather, right at the start, that she was "looking at you the way Sally looked at you". She was referring to the time when their beloved dog fell ill and, after a few weeks, was in so much pain and fear that she wanted to stop. My grandfather took her to the vets and she was put to sleep.
I know that neither of my grandparents would wish anyone to jeopardise their career, their morals or their freedom to help my grandmother, but I am certain that, had the law been different, my grandmother would have had no hesitation in saying "if I have a stroke, I don't want to be kept alive at all costs; if I cannot communicate I don't want to be here". Everything she has expressed since her stroke has confirmed everything she said before it. Sometimes being together is not for the best.
Togetherness - Part I
I am very fortunate in that my employers have permitted me to work some flexi-time into my contract, so that on a Tuesday morning I can continue to take my daughter swimming. It's a real bonus for me; I love spending the extra couple of hours with her, and she adores going in the water (as long as it's not too cold!)
Each week we go down to the leisure centre and as soon as we arrive in the car park she recognises where we are and starts to get excited. We go downstairs to the changing rooms and she waves her arms and legs around; she can't wait to get into the water! Once I'm ready and she's in her swimmies, we go through the door to the side of the baby pool. I hang up her towel and we go down the steps into the water. I sit her on my knee and almost immediately have to restrain her to stop her flinging herself face-first into the water! I'm still not quite sure if she's trying to crawl on it, trying to grab hold of it or just trying to put it in her mouth...
The lessons mainly consist of lots of women shuffling around the swimming pool in a variety of crouching positions whilst towing a child who may or may not wish to be there and making encouraging noises along the lines of "Kick! Kick! Kick! That's a good girl!" "Come on darling, arms out, there's a good boy!" and other essentially meaningless phrases (meaningless as none of the children is over 10 or 11 months old!)
Our daughter loves this experience however. She giggles at the teacher, reaches for the pool toys and adores licking the water! I, on the other hand, am not always so keen, as unlike her my role doesn't involve casually floating around while being towed about on the surface! No, my role involves balancing in a squat position whilst towing a small child across a shallow pool - not exactly relaxing! But a good workout, and I love watching her enjoy herself and being able to spend the time with her.
Each week we go down to the leisure centre and as soon as we arrive in the car park she recognises where we are and starts to get excited. We go downstairs to the changing rooms and she waves her arms and legs around; she can't wait to get into the water! Once I'm ready and she's in her swimmies, we go through the door to the side of the baby pool. I hang up her towel and we go down the steps into the water. I sit her on my knee and almost immediately have to restrain her to stop her flinging herself face-first into the water! I'm still not quite sure if she's trying to crawl on it, trying to grab hold of it or just trying to put it in her mouth...
The lessons mainly consist of lots of women shuffling around the swimming pool in a variety of crouching positions whilst towing a child who may or may not wish to be there and making encouraging noises along the lines of "Kick! Kick! Kick! That's a good girl!" "Come on darling, arms out, there's a good boy!" and other essentially meaningless phrases (meaningless as none of the children is over 10 or 11 months old!)
Our daughter loves this experience however. She giggles at the teacher, reaches for the pool toys and adores licking the water! I, on the other hand, am not always so keen, as unlike her my role doesn't involve casually floating around while being towed about on the surface! No, my role involves balancing in a squat position whilst towing a small child across a shallow pool - not exactly relaxing! But a good workout, and I love watching her enjoy herself and being able to spend the time with her.
10 March 2007
Eek!
Where has all of that time gone?! I can't believe I've been away quite so long; if there's anyone still there, sorry, and I should be back more regularly now (I hope).
One of the main reasons for my posting silence is that I have started work again. As I was made redundant before my daughter was born, I have had to find a new job as well as adjust to returning to work. Luckily for me, it all happened really quickly so I didn't have time to agonize over things that may or may not go wrong!
I was called by an agency on a Wednesday afternoon and told about a possible role. It sounded interesting, so I agreed they could put me forward. On Thursday they rang me frantically and told me the company wanted to see me asap. Friday I went for the interview, and before I left the building had been offered the job! Suddenly I had an urgent need for childcare....
Luckily, my local council run an excellent service and when I spoke to them, they were able to provide me with a list of every nursery and childminder between where I live and my new office that had a space for a child my daughter's age. N & I sat and whittled them down, and made a shortlist. Only 2 of them could possibly do the hours we needed, so we went to see them.
The first lady was very nice - similar age to us and had a lovely child, but something didn't feel right to us. The house felt - well, there's no accurate way of describing it really, apart from sterile; although there were toys and places to go and things to do, there was no personality in the house.
The second lady we met was a lot older. She had grown-up children and her house was full of photographs - family, friends, the children she'd looked after over the years - there were walls covered floor-to-ceiling in images from different times and places. Unlike the first childminder we saw, this lady couldn't wait to hold our daughter - she played with her, cuddled her, talked to her as though she was one of her own children. This was exactly what we hoped for!
N & I always knew that our ideal situation would be for one of us to stay at home and look after our children, but we also knew this was unlikely to realistically happen. Our second choice would be for a family member to do it, and a childminder or nursery was our third choice. Luckily, in this second lady, L, we had found someone who would treat our daughter as a member of her own family and therefore continue looking after our daughter in the same manner.
So, three weeks after being offered a job, I returned to work. I've been there for5 weeks now and am loving it. I thrive on the daily stimulation; I can't tell what each day will bring and the adult interaction is great. I miss my daughter more than I ever imagined. Being away from her breaks me in two, but it makes me appreciate her so much more, and I know that the time I am with her, she gets more from me because I am fully able to be myself.
One of the main reasons for my posting silence is that I have started work again. As I was made redundant before my daughter was born, I have had to find a new job as well as adjust to returning to work. Luckily for me, it all happened really quickly so I didn't have time to agonize over things that may or may not go wrong!
I was called by an agency on a Wednesday afternoon and told about a possible role. It sounded interesting, so I agreed they could put me forward. On Thursday they rang me frantically and told me the company wanted to see me asap. Friday I went for the interview, and before I left the building had been offered the job! Suddenly I had an urgent need for childcare....
Luckily, my local council run an excellent service and when I spoke to them, they were able to provide me with a list of every nursery and childminder between where I live and my new office that had a space for a child my daughter's age. N & I sat and whittled them down, and made a shortlist. Only 2 of them could possibly do the hours we needed, so we went to see them.
The first lady was very nice - similar age to us and had a lovely child, but something didn't feel right to us. The house felt - well, there's no accurate way of describing it really, apart from sterile; although there were toys and places to go and things to do, there was no personality in the house.
The second lady we met was a lot older. She had grown-up children and her house was full of photographs - family, friends, the children she'd looked after over the years - there were walls covered floor-to-ceiling in images from different times and places. Unlike the first childminder we saw, this lady couldn't wait to hold our daughter - she played with her, cuddled her, talked to her as though she was one of her own children. This was exactly what we hoped for!
N & I always knew that our ideal situation would be for one of us to stay at home and look after our children, but we also knew this was unlikely to realistically happen. Our second choice would be for a family member to do it, and a childminder or nursery was our third choice. Luckily, in this second lady, L, we had found someone who would treat our daughter as a member of her own family and therefore continue looking after our daughter in the same manner.
So, three weeks after being offered a job, I returned to work. I've been there for5 weeks now and am loving it. I thrive on the daily stimulation; I can't tell what each day will bring and the adult interaction is great. I miss my daughter more than I ever imagined. Being away from her breaks me in two, but it makes me appreciate her so much more, and I know that the time I am with her, she gets more from me because I am fully able to be myself.
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