Six months ago today, at 11.47am to be precise, our daughter was born. Wow. I can’t believe it’s been so long, and at the same time, I can’t believe it’s only six months.
I have found it hard adjusting to being a mother. At the start, the night feeds would have me in tears as I fought the pain of her rough feeding technique and the exhaustion. I found it hard to bond with her, as the experience of giving birth was horrific for me – not the birth process itself, but the lack of communication and any kind of empathy shown by the midwives. One midwife on her final post-natal visit managed to reduce me to tears with her inconsiderate attitude. Dr Crippen's comments on “madwives” struck many chords with me.
I am frustrated by my daughter and infuriated at times. I do not cope well with not being able to reason with her, even though I know it is not the fault of either of us. My fear of not being ready for this has had a big impact, and I know I am not as patient as I could be.
But for every second of the tears, fears and sleeplessness I have had, the joy is multiplied one-thousand-fold. I adore her. Every look, every smile, the laughter and the chance to watch each new experience is more magical than I ever believed possible. Even as she struggles against her daytime naps (and how she fights to stay awake and experience more of the world, and NOW!) she makes me smile. The way she beams at me when I get her up in the morning, the giggles as I make aeroplanes with her food and the excited laugh and arms-held-aloft that greets her Daddy as he comes home make every second of the hard bits infinitely worth it.
All I have to do now is keep reminding myself of this when we decide to have another child! (Thinking of you Emily, hope all goes well) Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the title refers to the approximate number of dirty nappies we’ve changed in the last 6 months!
Yet another in the general inter-web ramblings around the popular themes of self-introspection and parenthood.
1 comment:
I think motherhood is a frustrating business. Once they get past 12 months it feels like one step forward and five backwards. When they get to two and you get smug at avoiding the tantrums, you hit it full in the face. Nothing tests your patience more (and guilt at losing it) as you try and find a path through it.
We have cycles of a few weeks of perfect behaviour and then two weeks of utter boundary pushing. I know it is part of her development but it is VERY difficult!
When we decided to have no 2 it wasn't really a conscious decision as such. It was an urge that I couldn't control. Very strange. Of course I now wonder how the hell I am going to go back to freelancing and getting a baby and a three year old to nursery for 8am in the morning and do a full day's work with teething sleep! I must be mad.
But then all the difficulties - as you mentioned, I had similar ones to you with medical professionals and feeding - melt away when I see what a happy girl she is and what fun we have all together. I can't imagine how my life would be without her. And that is the thought I cling to as I traipse up and down the stairs at 8pm for the nth time to pacify her demands!
Good post here about parenting btw http://mamaintranslation.blogspot.com/2006/10/full-time-at-home-parenting-delight-or.html#comments
(and thanks for the good luck)
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